Currently Listening Hail To The Thief By Radiohead Sit Down. Stand Up (Snakes & Ladders) see related

*yawn*

welcome to the gates of hell...

anyway... well, I'm carless.  I'm tired. I ride the bus alot... I've been hurt, played with, discarded, picked up, dressed, fed, and sent on my merry way.  I wander aimlessly without a plan or purpose.  I am falling into a vortex spin that i cannot see the way out,, and my faith in Higher Beings is waining.  It seems as if the brighter i become on the outside, the darker i become on the inside.  I want what I can't have.  I have what I never wanted.  I am becoming something i never wanted to be.  I can be what ever i want.  I have a useless talent.  My talents retain my slowly, yet surely, faiding sanity.  I watch, i listen, i observe. I see the most parisitic of all creatures. I see myself, wondering if it would be better to fade, or drift from host to host.  I wonder, in amazement, the self destruction i feel powerless to fight.

I wonder, is religion a saving grace, that keeps us afloat in this world, that humans can lean on in time of need, or is it a symbiosis of want and need created by the human fantasy of idiots made long ago?

I feel i know too much, yet nothing at all.

I want to say I'm sorry...

but i'm not...

Currently Listening Vanilla Sky By Various Artists Everythings In Its Right Place see related

I've started to listen to radiohead again... no wonder i was so trippy all the time...

I just heard about Mrs, Young....

Funny how, when a person is so dear in your life, you don't realize, how important they are till their gone...

She always told me, "DaShawn, you have such a wonderful voice!" I used to hate it when anyone told me that but her.

After ever play, and i mean EVER play, she would say that. The musicals... the random skits... Every time I sang or acted... She was always like a... well...

Do you know of a time when the sky is dark and grey for days and sunlight seems a distant memory?  And then when it seems things would stay that way, clouds would break and a single ray of sunshine comes through, as if its the manifistation of days to come?

Mrs. Young was like that sunshine.  Everytime I thought I was HORRIBLE in what i was doing, she was there to say "Good job DaShawn.  I'm so proud of you..."

It meant alot to me.  So much so, even when she wasn't there, i could still hear something inside me say, "You did a wonderful job DaShawn!"

.......

To Rachel, and Daniel, if you ever come to read this, you had one of the... i'm sorry, you have one of the greatest mothers to grace the earth.

God bless you always... My prayers are with you.  So is my love.

Hello again.

Well, children, another post i make.

MAKE THE MOST OF HIGH SCHOOL!!!

take it from me, i miss it everyday.

It took me a long time, and it takes me more and more everyday to realize, that I not only am not ready to grow up, I never did.

But, unfortunatly, certain events cause you to be forced, be it by your will, or the will of someone else.

But most of all things the will of God.

If God's will made Arthur the greatest king of England, who was in his own right, a murderer, who else will be glorified a sinner.

Why did the second greatest king, in his youth, showed great knowledge and wisdom, integrety and honor, become like all the rest of his noble kind during the end of his reign?

Why would something exist, if its existance is an abomination to all that gaze upon it?

Why do the things that feel so right, sometimes the worst things you could ever do?

To all you children, whos parents sacrificed everything for you, be thankful. Because there are children who sacrifice all for their parents.  Who have no future, because all they have is their parisitic parents.

Be glad, that your parents go out of their way to make you happy.

And i wish never a parent say to a child "You ruined my life."

As you can see my heart is sore, and i'm thinking many things... God bless you all.